11 Missing After Space Mission Proves That Moon Shoes Are Not Practical Footwear

HOUSTON, TX - Families across the nation are in mourning as Space Center Houston reported in regarding the eleven astronauts missing after a footwear experiment gone awry.

“It was, in retrospect, a miscalculated trial,” concedes Space Center Chairman Peterson. The twelve-man team was sent out on what would have been a routine walk on the moon. On this particular mission, they were testing the viability of the popular 90s gear, Moon Shoes, as a potential replacement for the current standard issue NASA space boots.

Eleven men out of the twelve man team found themselves quickly facing the perils of low gravity, and search teams are still scouring the stars for them. Lone survivor Eric Whitmore is being held in Houston’s Methodist Hospital while he recovers from the trauma of watching his comrades slowly float away into space after one bounce on the moon’s surface. Nickelodeon, the creators of Moon Shoes, are being called into question under allegations of false advertising in the wake of this disastrous incident. Though a lawsuit is imminent, the country’s heart will not be fully healed until the brave eleven can finally return home. Once they remove those nightmarish mini-trampolines from their feet.  

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Jackie Shreves is a very angry person who you can frequently find on Whiskey Bear's Pop Culture Mixtape and character roasts. She likes being able to combine her loves of comedy, cosplay, and nerd crap in her sets. Yes, she is the perfect woman. No, you cannot date her.