The Blind Gamer

Kevin Christenson lost his vision two years ago at the age of 38. A chemical spill at work took his sight, and for a little while, his hope. That was until a close friend, Brian Pena, suggested he try something new. Oddly enough, it was video gaming.

“Honestly, I was just having a hard time talking to him about his problems. It was kind of like, a lot, you know? So I figured I could just throw a controller in his hand and talk to him like we were playing together. Way less stressful. I did the same thing with my little brother when we were kids. Except he wasn’t blind. He was just two.”

And Kevin was good. Really good. Or so he was told. In a classic case of a friend continuing an elaborate ruse rather than dealing with the consequences of being honest, Pena found himself in deep. “Things got out of hand pretty quickly,” said Pena. “I really bigged him up because I figured it would help him not feel so bad about being blind and shit. I guess I went overboard.” Eventually, Kevin wanted to try his hand at local gaming tournaments he had heard about.

“There was no fucking way we could actually do that,” Pena stated. “Honestly, I think in the two years this whole charade has been going on, I've only seen him make it past a game’s main menu a handful of times.”

So then, how has Kevin Christenson gained his champion title?

“That first fake tournament wasn’t so hard. We just had to get some guys together who were willing to pretend to lose to him. It has just become a whole goddamn ordeal now,” Pena stated. The stakes have been raised, as Kevin is well aware of the pageantry associated with professional gaming. “Last week, I had to take him to a high school basketball game and sit him in a chair under the bleachers with a controller to simulate a Major League Gaming crowd.” Does that seem a bit much? “And of course now he knows that these things go on all over the country. We fly round trips to places for no fucking reason. I almost lost my job a few weeks ago because of a long layover. This whole thing is ruining my life, but at this point I'm terrified of what would happen if I 'fessed up.”

So what does Kevin have to say about his newfound passion in life? “This is seriously the best thing that has ever happened to me. If we're being honest, I always kind of thought video games were for losers. But they've really helped me to develop a strong sense of myself. I just want to thank Major League Gaming for taking a chance on me. I know it’s a crazy story.”

When contacted for comment about Kevin's story, Major League Gaming simply responded “Who the fuck is Kevin Christenson?”


Dave Burkey's high school class voted him "Most Likely To End Up Writing Short Comedic Blurbs For The Internet" in 2006. It haunts him how specific yet accurate they were.